Solid tip for life: Stay in school…as long as you possibly can.

Holy God, it’s been forever!

I apologize to the few who have requested that I keep posting. (And some of you have even checked the site from time to time, how dedicated!) I graduated from UW and moved to a new city to start my new job and only got internet in my apartment this afternoon. Life has been hell without the interwebz!

Now, I’ve accumulated a lot of shit I want to say and have acquired an amazing wisdom that I will continue to pass on to you as has been done here in the past. (Nah, just kidding. There’ll likely just be more potty humor and cussing. BTW-Fuck you, Big Sis, I will not give in to your pressure to write without cusswords! I do that shit for a living, this is my off time.) Tomorrow will be the return of Thursday’s 3 Things…and thanks for picking up the slack, Meathed11, or whatever you call yourself!

Today I have some advice for those in college: stay. Stay as long as you can.

Here’s a quick visual explanation:

This was the view of the world from my beautiful Madison apartment:

an empty park bench, a lake, some trees

Look at that. Beautiful! There’s a lake and a park bench and sexy college coeds used to jog in front of the window all the time.

Here’s the view from my shitty new apartment in central Illinois now that I’m chasing my dream and all that ruckus (which means I’ve passed up well-paying jobs because I like to write for shitty money):

Rapists around here don't really even try to hide their motives.

Yes, that is an ice cream truck…or at least a rape van in sheep’s clothing. This is the view from my window now. No more pleasant view of the world, just a shitty view of a parking lot and the other buildings in the complex.

Sweet.

And it’s not like I’ve really graduated. School isn’t really even done. I now have to prove myself for the next few years before I can even consider possibly finding a job that can support me. And I’m one of the lucky ones to even have the job I do! If only I had a passion for PR or teaching or some other shitty thing, like being an engineer. Oh, well.

So, long story short: don’t ever graduate. College is great. Keep switching majors if you have to. That beautiful place you go to school at will not move with you.

Okay, the rant is done. From now on, 1yellerjournalist should kick up the usual timewastiness. And we should have a second and, possibly, even a third writer. There will be heroic stories of inanity and useful cooking tips for actual people. And cussing.

And our first entry for “how to really find a job in journalism.” It’s a doozy.

Later, gators.

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About Ken Harris

I like whisky. And whiskey, too. And I like you.
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8 Responses to Solid tip for life: Stay in school…as long as you possibly can.

  1. Chris says:

    I love you Ken..

    • Ken Harris says:

      Please, Chris, don’t say that to me now. I’ve already moved on. I even have a steady girlfriend now, and she loves me and I love her and…YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE IN RIO! IT’S TOO LATE NOW! I CAN’T KEEP SETTING MYSELF UP TO BE HURT BY YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN!

  2. aliciayager says:

    we all know that’s your van…stop lying ken

  3. Big Sis says:

    Don’t be an ass to your big Sis you mother-fuckin’ penis lickin’ asshole rapin’ jackass. I just thought it would be creative to see other weird phrases you might use instead. I thought it might be funny, but I guess you just wanted to be a jerk instead.

    • Ken Harris says:

      But don’t you see that amazing phrases like “mother-fuckin’ penis lickin’ asshole rapin’ jackass” requires the cusswords? I think this is a genetic gift. And you vastly overrate my creativity…although now that you frame it like that it actually seems like a fun idea. I thought you just wanted to clean up my potty mouth but this seems like something I could spend a whole week brainstorming. If I thought any of my readers had any ambition to participate I’d encourage them to submit creative mean phrases that contained no traditional cuss words. Brilliant! Well done, Big Sis! See you at Six Flags!

      • Big Sis says:

        Yeah, I rethought what I sent as I thought it might be a bit descriminatory seeming, but then I remembered I was sending it to you and thought Ice Cream Sundae (meaning: what the hell) and knew you would appreciate my awesome nasty phrase and kept it in. Originally I did mean to eliminate your cusswords, but after your comment I thought instead I would turn it into an awesome challenge, so here’s to you 1yellerjournalist for the Journey ahead. See ya at Six Flags.

    • Ken Harris says:

      Btw- the shitty situational tips for the casual babysitter idea sprouted from my evening spent with your sprouts. You could learn what went through the head of the man who had your childrens’ lives in his hands as he lived it.

      • Big Sis says:

        Say what you will but you know you are a great babysitter and had a great time. I won’t say the same if you had been watching a different one who shall remain nameless but we all love.

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