WTF Wednesday: screw you, Gatorade and Kendra

It’s been awhile, yellerjournalists. I missed you all. And there’s some questions that need to be asked. So let’s ask them because I need to vent. (Note: may stray off topic)

One of my favorite sports blogs, KissingSuzyKolber, has an ad on it for Gatorade’s new product line,G Series Pro. Now I’m clearly not an advertising expert but the tagline, “Only available in pro locker rooms…until now” is really fucking stupid.

It’s a fucking beverage that helps you rehydrate when you sweat. That’s it. This line makes it seem like it was some kind of prescription drug that the FDA has finally approved for over-the-counter sales. “Oh thank God those scientists finally approved this for use by everyone. Now I don’t have to visit my doctor first. That will save so much on gas!”

This is just a beverage with electrolytes in it. Now I don’t really know what an electrolyte is but is there really some drink that only a professional athlete’s body can handle but mine couldn’t? Like if I drank it I would risk forcing too much blood to my biceps causing them to explode or something. Man, this drink is so dangerous. I HAVE TO TRY IT NOW!

Initial testing on Gatorade G Series Pro caused Peyton Manning's fetus head. The formula has since been altered.

In other WTF news, ogre-laughing Kendra Wilkinson is scared that a sex tape of her is going to get released.

Excuse me? The woman who unashamedly let Hugh Hefner raw dog her with his by now buffed-to-a-shine old filthrod for the sake of fame and fortune is now concerned that people will see her fuck someone? And what, now everyone will question her morality?  Hmm.

Apparently she’s concerned what her hubby, the less-than-prolific wide receiver Hank Baskett, will think. Really? Is he unaware of why you were allowed to live in the Playboy mansion? Is he that stupid? Well, after watching their horrible show he just might be. HE’LL NEVER LOOK AT THE WIFE WHOSE PURITY HE WORSHIPS THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

Let’s be honest here. Hank couldn’t care less. He’s just using her for the extra money her show brings in. He needs that extra income since he has no future in football and he sure as hell isn’t curing cancer.

How do I know Hank has no future in football? He sucks.

Here’s Hank’s stats for all of 2009, spent with two different teams: 5 receptions, 34 yards, 0 touchdowns. Plus that muffed kick recovery in the Super Bowl. That means that Hank Baskett had 5 more catches than me last year.  And I never got off the couch. He also hurt the Indianapolis Colts way more than he helped them. I’m sure they’d trade those 4 receptions he gave them for one person who can catch an onside kick.

So what is her worry? She is all Hank has left. She could release a sex tape made last night with Peyton Manning and Hank wouldn’t do anything about it. At least maybe this drama will make their show tolerable. Really, neither of them have enough character or charisma to carry a television show. Although they are infinitely more interesting than Giuliana and Bill. Fuck those guys and her alien head.

Why can't people respect her privacy?!?

Update: Hah! I called it! SHE NEEDS HER PRIVACY RESPECTED ON NATIONAL TV!

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About Ken Harris

I like whisky. And whiskey, too. And I like you.
This entry was posted in pop shit, sports! and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to WTF Wednesday: screw you, Gatorade and Kendra

  1. Dad says:

    I’d disrespect every orifice of her body if she’d let me!!! Oh, I apologize, I meant to say I’d
    RESPECT every orifice of her body!!!!

    • Ken Harris says:

      Just wrap it up first! You don’t want to catch that disease that Hugh Hefner has that makes you think you’re a ship’s captain. That or syphilis.

  2. asmadame1 says:

    Hey look! She got vag-azzled!

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