Shitty situational tips for: relationships

Life offers us many options to choose from in order to accomplish stuff. Here’s some tips for deciding which options are good and which ones are really stupid. Most of these things I’ve tried out myself. I’ll try anything once. Maybe this way you won’t have to.

I wasn’t planning on posting anything today but it’s raining outside so I have an excuse to be lazy. Plus I made  and ate two burritos stuffed with pepperoni, scrambled eggs, bacon, Tapatio and a lot of cheese and have been staring at the NFL Draft ever since in a food coma. Today is a good day.

You want some sex from your girlfriend

Do: Compliment her. Let her know how much she turns you on. Service her first or do that special thing she likes.

Don’t: “Tits or GTFO.”

You forgot to do the dishes while she was at work

Do: Apologize like crazy and get right on it. OR Say you forgot because you spent all day job searching.

Don’t: “But the Draft was on!” OR “I was tired.” OR “Tits or GTFO.”

Your girlfriend wants to watch “Say Yes to the Dress”

Do: “Tits or GTFO.”

Don’t: Watch it. Jesus, that’s a terrible show.

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About Ken Harris

I like whisky. And whiskey, too. And I like you.
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4 Responses to Shitty situational tips for: relationships

  1. asmadame1 says:

    ….you forgot to wash the dishes didnt you? Fail.

  2. the girlfriend says:

    dishes? done.
    say yes to the dress? on.

  3. matt says:

    But tits or GTFO is soo much easier. And it establishes your masculine stronghold on the the opposite sex.

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