Kiper: Oh, God! God, why? Why? Why hast thou forsaken me?
Why is it that no one sees that Jimmy Clausen is going to be a great NFL quarterback? I HAD HIM AS THE 4TH BEST PLAYER IN THE ENTIRE DRAFT FOR FUCK’S SAKE! WHY DON’T THEY SEE!
Methinks the devil has blinded them.
/clouds split open
God: Hey, buddy. Relax. What are you crying for?
Kiper: Oh Almighty one! Make them pay! They do not listen to me and they should be made to suffer for it! My Jimmy should have been the first pick. This is clearly the work of the devil.
Even Tebow got picked already!
God: Well of course he did. I wanted my son as near me as possible. At Mile High he’s just a hop and a skip away. Has it occurred to you that I only ask of people what I know they can handle?
Kiper: So is that why you’re doing this? Because you know that Jimmy is strong enough to handle the disappointment? That’s it fer sure! I knew he was special. Jimmy will use the disappointment to fuel his rampage across the league! Right?
God: Fuck no. He just fucking sucks, dickhouse.